Dear Married Stay-At-Home-Mom,
I have to be honest for a moment. I mean really honest. I do not really like you. Now, please do not take that wrong. I bet you are an amazing mom, an incredible wife, and a sweet friend to have. Actually, we are probably friends. Yet, sometimes it is super hard for me to like you.
Each morning, when my alarm goes off, I cringe. I like my job. I have a great job. Yet, I know the amount of energy to get out the door is ridiculous. I wish I could just get my kids ready and pull off “messy hair, don’t care” through the drop off line. I wish I could spend more quality time with my kids at home. I wish I could be there for them after school. However, if I do not get out of bed and head to work there will be no money for bills or groceries. I bet your kids like to eat a lot, just like mine do. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine that such small people can consume adult size portions.
The mornings are crazy; I bet yours are too. It’s hard to motivate kids some mornings. How many times do you say the same thing to get kids to eat, brush their teeth and get dressed? It truly is draining.
When my kids are off to school, I make the mad dash to work. I hate traffic. I try to enjoy the few moments of silence that I have in the car, but sometimes driving on the interstate is pretty stressful. I think of you. I wonder if you went back to bed or you are enjoying your coffee in a mug. I wonder if you are home with your kids, enjoying their laughs or secretly wishing you were at work like me. I wonder if you are able to catch up on your laundry. There is so much laundry every week. I cannot imagine having to also keep up with another adult too.
At work it’s a blur. I’m a teacher, so throughout the day I’m helping raise other kids while I wonder how my own are doing. I feel like I do not know them as well as I used to. I hope they are enjoying their lunches I made last night. I hope they are making good friends. I hope their teachers love them like I love my students. I bet you are wondering these same things. Motherhood is hard.
When I get home at night, it feels like a checklist. Dinner. Make sure homework is done. Bath. Teeth again. Bed. Make lunches. Catch up on chores. Get some work done. Head to bed to do it again tomorrow.
Yet at night it gets lonely. I bet if your husband travels for work you understand that feeling. I wish I had someone to text. Maybe your husband doesn’t respond. I know it can be lonely in marriage too. I’ve been there. I actually know your life isn’t perfect, I was once you. I was once a married, stay-at-home mom and I used to dream of being single and free from the abusive relationship I was in. I do hope that’s not your situation. I remember those days and feel grateful for today, even the really hard days.
See, it’s not that I don’t like you as much as it is that I imagine what your life might be like, and I’m envious of it. I truly miss my kids. I miss being home with them. I miss the after school homework battle. I miss enjoying snuggles at the end of the day instead of pleading for them to fall asleep, so I can rush to pack lunches and collapse in bed at night. I miss what you have.
A Working Single Mom
*Please understand I know that your life is far from perfect. I spent time as a married, stay-at-home mom in an abusive relationship. I know it’s not all glamorous. I know the insanity of kids running around the house and you actually begin to believe you will lose your mind. I know it’s exhausting and you collapse in bed at the end of night too. I want you to know, I truly think you are amazing. I just wanted you to hear my struggles. #momsunited